One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
