All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
