in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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