This show inspires me to have sex in space
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
