Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
