Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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