I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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