I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
