Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
