batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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