sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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