just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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