I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
pop tarts are not kleenex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
