hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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