do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
