We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
