i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
