I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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