another moral hangover. fuck.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
