talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
