great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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