I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
