And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
