Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
