You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
