I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
