i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
