Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
