Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
