You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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