i don't like sucking hair
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
