Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
