I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
