I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
