dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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