the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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