Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
