I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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