Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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