oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
