Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she smelled like a LAN party
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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