whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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