looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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