I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
