i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
