Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
