didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
