If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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