You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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