Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
