New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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