I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
