i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
